hey, it is a job, it pays a lot; is it disservicing someone?

[more_magic]

That he waits until the end of the week isn't delaying or reluctance--or, frankly, a resistance to the absurdity of taking romantic advice from a high schooler--merely a desire, after having done so much wrong, to finally get one thing right. He knows he's behaved abominably, said things that he never thought himself capable of, and even after Caleb's assurances, Darlington's not sure forgiveness is a thing that Alex will be able to find where he's concerned.

He holds onto the hope of it, along with his memories of that first week he'd spent in Darrow; their easy intimacy, growing close in a way that they'd only begun to manage back in New Haven, and the surprising and utterly wanted course their night had taken up at Kagura. Thinks, too, of the certainty in Caleb's voice as he'd said You make her feel the butterflies. He wants, more than anything, not to be wrong about this.

He'd agreed to work this month's Final Friday evening program at the museum, and by the time he's finished helping the other front-of-house staff clean up and pack everything away, it's already past ten. If Alex is working tonight, it's more than likely that she's gone already, but after a brief stop at his own apartment, Darlington's on his way to the Bramford. He knocks on her door, using his key when there's no answer, finding the apartment empty and dark.

There's a moment where he thinks about waiting, about being there once more when she gets home just like he had been the night he'd come to work on the wards. It is, he knows, some kind of a coward's choice; the easy way out of a situation that he should have been strong enough to face up to well before now. Breathing out a long sigh, he leaves the bag he'd brought by the side of her couch and heads back into the cold, hailing a cab and giving the driver an address that gains him a winking look in the rearview mirror that he tries to ignore.

Only a week ago, he'd sworn he'd never go back, that there was no place for him here even if Alex was hellbent on making it hers. Even now, he'd rather be anywhere else. But there's no other place Darlington knows he should be tonight if he's going to make some attempt at fixing even a fraction of what he alone had broken.

They pull up outside the club on Paper, and after paying the driver and going through the ritual of cover and ID with the bouncer at the door, Darlington goes inside. The music is just as loud and grinding as before, the crowds around the stage just as vulgar, the drinks from the bar just as watered down; once again, it fills him with displeasure and unease and has him glancing towards the exit. He stays instead, choosing a table that's neither fully lit by the stage nor completely hidden in the shadows and setting down his drink.

This may only break things further between them, bring about an assumption or an argument that will sever the thin threads that still remain of their tie to one another. Darlington can only hope, with the kind of surrendering faith that he's reserved for few other things in his life--and once before for Alex, on a Halloween that turned into nothing he could have anticipated--that it'll be something altogether different.

Comments

[takecourage]

"What are we classing as messing around?" she asks, thinking about how this must be how normal people do it, people who don't end up losing their virginity on the floor of a Baskin Robbins at fourteen.

[more_magic]

"A makeout session that turns into learning how to finger the girl you snuck upstairs with during a house party," he says. "In my specific case." He glances down at her, marveling at how easy it is to keep up this line of conversation in a way he hadn't done--or, sometimes, hadn't chosen to do--with anyone else.

"She had to tell me what to do, how to touch her. I hadn't the slightest idea."

[takecourage]

"Well how else were you supposed to know?" she says, grinning at that. "And I'm glad that you figured it out. First blowjob?"

[more_magic]

"Seventeen." He cants his head a little to the side, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. "Same girl, actually. We were on an orchestra trip to New York City, and someone snuck a bottle of vodka into the hotel, and...one thing led to another."

[takecourage]

"I bet it did." She's quiet for a minute, while she's trying to think of her next question. "Ever done anal?"

[more_magic]

She's quiet for so long that it only adds to the surprise of what she says next. "That's a hell of a pivot, Alex," he says with a short and almost disbelieving laugh. "No, as it happens."

[takecourage]

"Got to keep you on your toes," she says, and then she makes a thoughtful sound at what he says next. "Duly noted." She grins up at him and then presses a kiss against his skin. "Anything you've never done that you want to try?"

[more_magic]

He makes a soft sound as she kisses him again, something contented and affectionate. Lying here, warm and close and draped in the blanket he'd bought, it's so easy to imagine more nights exactly like this one; more chances to make up for whatever happens between them at home in the next few months. Danny smiles, running his hand gently down her arm, then back up again.

"Aside from what I admitted to earlier? Putting myself in your capable hands?" He pauses, thinking, then shakes his head. "I think just that fantasy's going to cover a lot of unknown ground anyway."

[takecourage]

"I was a little bit surprised," she admits, shifting so that she can glance up at him. She's never felt as safe and as comfortable, as held, as she does right now. It feels like they could talk about anything. "That you're into that. I...Yeah. Wasn't expecting it."

[more_magic]

"Nor was I," he says, looking down as he feels her head tilt up, meeting her eyes with a smile. He pauses, thinking, then tilts his head a little to the side. "Well, not entirely. I'm...Manuscript's illusion had to have something to grab onto, else it would've taken a different shape than it did. Even the strongest glamours have to be rooted in something real."

Darlington's faintly aware he's blushing, but right now, with Alex, he's nowhere near self-conscious about it. "Wouldn't have seen myself as your acolyte if some part of me hadn't wanted it already."

[takecourage]

She feels her cheeks colour at that, reaching up to trace her fingers along the strong line of his jaw as he looks down at her.

"I've never...other than the club, I've never had a chance to do that with a guy," she says. "The clubs just pretend, so...Yeah. Doing it for real would be new."

[more_magic]

He leans into the touch, his eyes closing as she runs her fingers along his jaw in a way that's lighter and more gentle than anything he knows he'd have expected of her when first they met. He'd been mistaken about her, in so many ways.

"Uncharted territory for us both," he says, a small smile on his lips. "As long as you want to do it for real. With me." He opens his eyes again, meeting hers once more. "Anything we do, together, it should be something the both of us want."

[takecourage]

"I can't think of much I wouldn't want to do with you if we're both naked," she says, her own smile echoing his. It feels...deeply weird to be allowed to say things like that to him. She nods, brushing the pad of her thumb across his lips. She's spent too much of her time doing what other people want. She knows that that's something Darlington would never ask of her.

[more_magic]

There's a faint electricity to the sweep of her thumb against his lips, light as it is. Before she moves away, Darlington shifts, tilting his head just enough to kiss the side of her hand, something gentle and instinctive. "We're still naked now, Stern," he points out, one eyebrow slightly quirked. "Anything more you want to do tonight? Asking me additional questions, or otherwise."

[takecourage]

"What do you want to do to me right now?" she asks, and, since he's reminded her that they're naked, she shifts under the blanket, just grazing her fingers against the length of his cock.

[more_magic]

"As comfortable as this is," he says, groaning quietly as her fingers run along his cock, shifting into the touch, "I want to take you to bed. And provided it's what you want too, I think I'd want to see if the reality of the way you look on top of me, riding me, is better than what I've fantasized."

One corner of his mouth lifts in a lazy smile, and he leans to kiss her. "I have a suspicion it might be."

[takecourage]

Alex makes a soft sound against Darlington's mouth when he kisses her, leaning into him for a moment. Comfortable as the couch is, it's not really big enough for both of them, and she nods.

"I would definitely, definitely like that," she says. "But we need to take the blanket with us. The blanket is my new favourite thing."

[more_magic]

"Far be it from me to part you from your newfound beloved," he says, his tone fond and wry as he--so reluctantly--starts to disentangle himself and get up from beneath the blanket. They've left the living room a mess, clothes scattered around the couch and draped along the back, the bag he'd brought the blanket in now empty and tipped on its side, but all Darlington sees is Alex, still half-draped in the blanket, her hair tumbled around her head.

She was always this beautiful, he thinks, and on some level, he's always known it.

He glances up, towards her bedroom a short distance away, a sudden and ridiculous idea in his head. "How literally would you like to be taken to bed?" he asks, looking back down at her with a grin. "I think I could carry you."

[takecourage]

A wide, delighted grin spreads across Alex's face. Honestly, she's never heard naything so ridiculous in her life, which doesn't mean that it doesn't also sound perfect.

"Fuck yeah," she says.

[more_magic]

Alex grins at him, and once again, it's like being made privy to a secret; seeing the girl she might have been under another circumstance.

"Colorfully put as always," he says, before bending a little, arranging the blanket around her in a way that shouldn't have it dragging on the ground if he actually does manage to pick her up. The last thing either of them needs is for him to trip. "Hang on tight." Darlington guides one of her arms around his neck, then scoops her up, cradling her to his chest as he moves slowly and smoothly back to a standing position. He'd never expected to use all those hours of training back home in exactly this fashion, but right now he's glad for every single one of them.

[takecourage]

He hoists her up into his arms like it's nothing, and Alex can't help the delighted thrill that she feels when he lifts her like that. She's been carried before in her life, but it's never been because of something good. She curls close to him, gathering the blanket in around her.

"So far so good," she says.

[more_magic]

He smiles at that, at the sight of her curled in against him, more contented and pleased and almost giddy than he thinks he's ever seen her. "Glad it already meets with your exacting approval." After dropping a kiss to the sleek center part of her hair, he starts walking towards her room.

Once there, he goes to the side of the bed, laying her carefully down onto the sheets and kissing her, long and slow, before he pulls away again.

[takecourage]

Alex settles down into the sheets, still draped in the soft folds of the blankets, and takes the opportunity to just look at him, naked and lovely and content to be hers, apparently. She's never felt anything quite like this before.

She holds her hand out to him.

"Don't keep me waiting," she says.

[more_magic]

"Wouldn't dream of it," he says. He'd done just that for far too long already, caught within his own jealousy and tangled up in convictions he doesn't believe in--and maybe never really did. Alex holds her hand out to him, and Darlington takes it, lets her draw him onto the bed. He's already well on his way to being hard again, and he bites his lip, looking over as he settles against the pillows.

"Flat on my back, or were you thinking something different, Stern?"

[takecourage]

She rolls onto her side to look at him, so close that she could almost brush the tip of her nose against his. "You could sit," she says. "Lean back against the headboard?" She tilts her head against the pillow. "Depends on the view you want, I suppose."