we kept our hearts from view, this time we're problem solving

[more_magic]

To say they get back to normal wouldn't be true. There's enough that's changed, that's needed to change, that whatever they'd been before isn't a place they can return to now. Darlington moves his things out of the Bramford and back to their apartment in Dimera, paying the exorbitant repair costs the landlord quoted him for the bedroom door just so he won't have to look at the splintered frame and all it represents. He and Alex talk, sometimes more deeply than he thinks they ever had before, other times about absolutely nothing at all. He still takes Kirby for a run in the morning, and he's still over there for dinner almost every night.

Day by day, over the next few weeks, it starts to feel like something's building out of the ashes.

When they'd first begun, Alex had said it could be like dating, starting fresh in a way they hadn't really taken the chance to do before. So far, it's felt like that; slow, and careful, and a little cautious as they feel out the edges of these new boundaries. Almost normal, when so little in their life--here or at home--had been that way for years.

Darlington brings up the idea, dinner out instead of in, one day when they're just sitting on the couch with Kirby. An actual date, maybe, to mark another step forward in the thing growing between them. He picks one of their favorites, a place downtown that's upscale and intimate, making the reservation for an evening Alex has off of work. That night, he showers and dresses, calling a cab and asking the driver to wait outside the Bramford while he goes to the second floor and knocks on Alex's door.

He still has a key, just as she has one to Dimera, but tonight he wants to do everything right.

Comments

[takecourage]

"I didn't want to lose her," says Alex quietly. "So I let her in." She sighs. "I don't...remember what happened next that clearly. You probably know more about the details than me. I remember...having her inside me felt like being full of sunlight and holding my breath at the same time. I remember how holding the bat felt." She presses her cheek against his shirt. "I remember feeling what she wanted. And I let her have it."

[more_magic]

"I think I do," he says, images from her file flashing through his mind despite his best efforts. "They're not...all you need to know is they're not pretty. Not that they should be." Darlington believes that now with a conviction he hadn't had before.

He doesn't envy her the sensations she describes, for once not wishing he could share them, deciding to be satisfied just with the things she says. It takes effort, ashamed at his sense of a door not walked through merely out of cowardice, but the effort is worth it. He dips his head, dropping a kiss to her hair when she rubs her cheek against him.

"There are things I could say about possessions, about the force of will some Greys have reportedly demonstrated," he says. "But I don't need to, it's not..." He never expected to say the thing building at the back of his throat, how much it flies in the face of all he's ever learned. But he does, the words soft and just for her even though they're already the only people in the room.

"Hellie deserved to have that. Revenge, or retribution, or...call it what you like. So did you."

[takecourage]

Something like relief floods through Alex when he says it and she nods, her nose brushing against his shirt.

"I meant what I said before," she says. "I'd do it again. I'd let her in every single time." She swallows. "I've got this...such a dim memory of being in the river, wearing her shoes, and then I lay down and I remember thinking that I didn't care if I froze to death right there. I asked her to stay with me. I wanted that more than anything." She squeezes his fingers. "That's it. That's all I've got."

[more_magic]

"The river," he says, the final piece slipping into place. "That's why you were clean, that's why they didn't find any evidence, not even in the drains." It sounds to him like some dark parting gift, but it was the one thing, or one of the few, that Hellie had to give.

Darlington knows already she didn't stay, maybe even couldn't; repeating it won't do Alex any good or tell her anything she's not painfully aware of. He returns the squeeze to his fingers, then carefully moves just far enough back that they're not pressed flush. She hadn't wanted to look at him for so much of the story, but for this, he needs to look her in the eyes.

"If that's all you have," he says, his free hand cupping the side of her face, "then that's all I need." He holds her gaze for another moment, full and waiting, then leans forward to kiss her as gently as he dares.

[takecourage]

He kisses her for the first time in weeks and Alex feels something in her chest knit back into place. She makes a soft sound, pressing into it a little. She'd actually started to worry she might never have this again.

[more_magic]

That quiet sound sinks through him, reinforced by the way she presses into the kiss, deepening it slowly and perfectly and exactly as much as he'd been missing. His fingers trace down her back, his hand coming to rest just above the hem of her shirt as they keep kissing.

They shouldn't go too far, after so many weeks of trying so hard to be careful with one another. But this, right now, is enough.

[takecourage]

She breaks the kiss sooner than she might have, mindful of the desire she has to press closer to him, to push her hands up under his shirt, to touch.

"I think we'd better...talk boundaries..." She says, biting her lip for a moment. "Just...to be safe."

[more_magic]

Darlington had seen her as she changed, just as much as she'd seen him. Neither of them are wearing very much, not now, and that knowledge feels all the more immediate and compelling as Alex breaks the kiss and pulls away. He closes his eyes a moment, willing away the memory of her in the bedroom: bare legs and her bra on the floor, the curve of her ass in dark panties just visible beneath the bottom of her t-shirt.

"You're right," he says, the corner of his mouth going up as she bites her lip and looks at him, as he looks back at her. "We should." He thinks, choosing his words, one finger tracing the curve of her knee over the blanket. "I'm not ready for us to have sex again. I want to, God, I want to, but...I think we need more time before we do."

[takecourage]

Alex nods, trying not to let the way that hearing that feels show on her face. He's right, and she knows he's right -- it was her that shit on that particular doorstep, after all.

"I think you're right," she says, covering his hand with hers. "And, believe me, it is fucking killing me to say that."

[more_magic]

There's a tightness in her face as she nods, something regretful that he regrets in turn even as her agreement is itself a relief. "I know," he says, his hand stilling when she covers it with hers, her palm warm against the back of his hand. "I wish it were different. More than I can say."

He looks down, noticing Kirby curled up at the base of the couch where he'd moved when they did, looking at the link of their hands, the beginning of Alex's tattoos at her wrist, up and up until his focus returns to her face. "Tell me what you need?"

[takecourage]

"We'll get there," she says, because that's something that she has to believe, right then. "I need..." She takes a moment to think about what she actually needs. "I need you close. I need to know that...you're okay? That you've...forgiven me or whatever? So whatever that looks like, I need you close tonight."

[more_magic]

"We'll get there," he says, and tonight that feels like more of a possibility than it had even a week ago. He listens closely as she keeps talking, taking it all on and hearing the way she makes herself almost vulnerable, something he knows doesn't come easily to her.

"I can do that," he says. "Be close, stay close, here or once we go to bed. Both." He lays his other hand on top of hers, smiling at the faint ridiculousness of the layering; his hand beneath hers beneath his. "I'm okay, and I forgive you." He kisses her again, soft and brief despite the wish to linger. "And I love you, Alex."

[takecourage]

"I love you too," she says and means it, utterly, completely. She looks down at their hands, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "We could make out a little more?"

[more_magic]

They've both been saying it to one another, kept saying it and knowing it was true. Hearing it from her now is still more of a relief than he thinks he could have anticipated. They'll be okay. They are okay, and they're only getting more so.

"Making out, I can do," he says with a soft laugh. "Only fitting, considering this is the first time you've ever invited someone up, after your very first date." His next kiss does linger, a little deeper and warmer than the ones before.

[takecourage]

She smiles, curling her arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

"Bet it's not the first time you've been asked up, though, is it?"

[more_magic]

"No," he says, kissing her again, letting himself be drawn in by the curl of her arms around his neck. "It's not."

They move closer to each other, there on the couch, his hand returning to her back, her chest pressed a little to his. It's more, and it's perfect, and Darlington pointedly doesn't think about how easily Alex could slip into his lap, just like this. How either of them could draw the other down onto the cushions.

"And don't have a heart attack, Stern," he says, grinning when their next kiss breaks, "but it's not even the first time I've said yes after a first date."

[takecourage]

"Oh, shit, really?" Says Alex, pressing one hand to her chest in mock distress. She reaches up, brushing dark hair back from his forehead. "I bet you were always a perfect gentleman though, right?"

[more_magic]

"Really," he says, mock-serious, leaning contentedly into the brush of her fingers in his hair. He hadn't realized the level at which he'd missed even that. "And I was always perfectly respectful, to no one's surprise. Never minded her taking the lead."

There's heat that kindles in him when he says it, something low and smoldering, the memory of all the ways they'd discovered how deep that statement ran for him.

[takecourage]

"Yeah, there were some things you were always going to figure out about yourself, right?" she says, teasing lightly. "Just needed the right girl to show you the way."

[more_magic]

He sighs, something more fond than aggrieved, and kisses her again. "It seems I did," he says. His fingers run lightly down her side, over the thin stuff of her t-shirt and down to the curve of her hip. "The right, unexpected, surprisingly commanding girl."

[takecourage]

That touch is enough to make her shiver, and she shifts her hips a little bit, moving a little bit closer.

"I never thought I'd enjoy it so much, honestly," she says, her dark eyes flicking to her face. "Is talking about this okay?"

[more_magic]

"It's okay," he says, momentarily distracted by the shift of her body beneath his hand, that roll of her hips. "Talking is fine. Talking about how we both didn't expect to enjoy all of that so much is, admittedly, even better." Neither of them, he thinks, want more than that on that particular front tonight, but this is just enough.

Darlington kisses her again, not missing the fact she's moved even closer. "Do you want to..." He trails off, thinking about what he wants within the boundaries they've both set. "Talking about it in the bedroom is...counterproductive," he says, his grin rueful and teasing and directed mostly at himself. "But if you want to stay here, and lie down or get in my lap, that's not going too far."

Being that clear with his boundaries strikes him as awkward and blushing, almost virginal, but he knows all of this is only going to work if he does. They're stronger than they were, but they're not yet back to who they'd been.

[takecourage]

It's a habit that they have -- talking about things until they're hot under the collar -- and it's something that Alex could go for tonight, even if there's a limit to what it can culminate in.

"We could go into the bedroom," she says. "Then lying down or ending up in your lap is...workable, right?"

[more_magic]

"Certainly more comfortable." He studies her, thinking, knowing that to agree is another push forward for the evening. Even if it's only talking. "Okay. Bedroom it is."

[takecourage]

Alex stands up first.

"Come on, Kirbs. Bed," she says, walking across the room to pat the top of his crate. After a moment's hesitation and a massive yawn, Kirby pads across the room and into his crate. Alex drops a treat in front of him and closes the door for the night. She walks back over to the sofa and offers Danny both of her hands. "Shall I get us some beers?"