more_magic | and the name of the game is just the living

They keep Alex at the hospital for a few days, as much for observation as for treatment. Darlington stays as much as he can, calling out of work and finding someone to take care of Kirby, making quick trips home to change and shower before he's back again. When they talk, it's stilted and hesitant, inconsequential things that only emphasize the enormity of what they're both avoiding.

It could go on like this. Maybe it'd be better if it did. But Darlington knows neither of them can ignore it forever.

He's there when she's discharged, the removal of all the tubes and wires from her slim frame only serving to emphasize how thin she is, and how unsteady. He hands her the change of clothes he'd brought, loose, comfortable things, going out into the hallway while she dresses. The cab ride from the hospital back to the Bramford is a silent thing, both of them looking out of opposite windows, their hands resting on the seat between them with fingers just barely touching.

Kirby jumps off the couch when they come in, nearly losing his mind with simple canine joy as he snuffles first at Alex, then Darlington, then Alex again, his tail practically a dark blur as it whips back and forth. "Down," he says, but there's no force in it. Alex goes to the couch, Kirby following, and Darlington scrubs a hand through his hair.

"I'll run you a bath," he offers. "If you'd like, and then...I think we should talk. Finally."

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From:

more_magic

Darlington busies himself in the kitchen, both listening and not for the occasional sounds of Alex moving around in their bedroom. In the bedroom. He's not even sure it's theirs any more. He gets the tea out of the cupboard, some herbal blend that promises comfort even if it doesn't have any of Alex's beloved caffeine, and when the water's boiled he pours it into two mugs, letting it steep as he carries both out to the living room.

She comes out of the bedroom a moment after he's set their tea down on the coffee table, and he glances up. He recognizes the hoodie as his, or one that started out that way; she'd taken it so often that his claim of ownership, like so many other things, had long ceased to be important. Alex chooses one end of the couch and he takes the other, settling in and turning to face her.

"Whenever you're ready."

From:

takecourage

Alex leans and picks up her tea, cradling the cup in her hands until it's almost painful. That's useful, that pain - it focuses her.

"I was..." She frowns. "With other people. While we were broken up."

From:

more_magic

She doesn't try to soften it, doesn't lead into it with anything more than the plain facts of what it is. Whether that makes it worse or better than if she'd tried, he doesn't know, but like this, it feels like a punch in the gut.

He hadn't even thought of them as broken up. Fractured, yes, but ultimately reparable. He doesn't like to think that he might have been wrong.

Alex is watching him, that wariness back in her eyes, and Darlington knows he has to say something. It takes him a moment, and even when the words come, they're a little rough. "And that was your choice?" he says. "It wasn't...however many times it was, you wanted it, it wasn't a result of the pills or the weed or anything else."

From:

takecourage

She watches the look flit across his face, hears the pain in his voice, and wishes that she could take it back, screw herself up so small that she'd disappear.

"Nobody raped me, Danny," she says, gently. "I...enthusiastically consented. I just wanted to...feel something that wasn't missing you."

From:

more_magic

If nothing else, that soothes his concern, the sudden fear that once again she'd been out in the world unprotected, unknown to him, and been harmed by that.

"You didn't have to miss me, Alex," he says. "You could have come home." His voice cracks on the last word, and once again he feels the sting of tears behind his eyes. He's not fast enough at blinking them back this time.

From:

takecourage

"I didn't think I had a home to come back to," she says, and then she realises that he's crying and something breaks in her chest. She sets down the cup, shuffling closer, though she doesn't reach out to touch him. "I didn't...I didn't think we could fix it, Danny. I didn't think you'd want to and I just...running from it felt safer."

From:

more_magic

"I did want to." Alex stops herself before she touches him, and Darlington can't make himself close the gap either. Not yet. The increased closeness, at least, feels like a start. He shakes his head, wiping his fingers briskly against his eyes, ashamed by the suddenness of his tears. "I do. Whatever would've made you feel you don't need to run again."

He exhales, hard and shaken. "Who were they?"

From:

takecourage

She reaches out, just lightly touching the back of his hand with her fingers, stroking lightly.

"Do you think knowing would really help, Danny? None of it...it didn't matter to me. It's not going to happen again."

From:

more_magic

He looks down at his hand when she touches him, watching the gentle track of her fingers along his skin, so light and hesitant that it seems like something new. Alex is right, and he knows it. Whoever it had been, a random stranger in a bar, someone she'd chosen after a shift at the club, maybe even a friend, that knowledge won't be anything he can use to build on. He shakes his head, and looks up again.

"I'm not going to ask that you promise me that," he says. "But I believe you."

From:

takecourage

"I'll tell you anything else you want to know," she says, her fingers still stroking against his skin. "In the interests of honesty and...wanting to fix this...because I fucking do." She leans her cheek against the back of the sofa. "But I don't think knowing their names would help."

From:

more_magic

"No," he says. "It wouldn't help." He's quiet for a moment, thinking, aware of the continued sweep of her fingers along the back of his hand. There's nothing, he realizes, he needs to know about this; the names wouldn't be any more of a solution than asking for details, of where and what and how many times.

"Are the drugs something I'm going to need to worry about?" he asks instead, finally giving voice to the thing that had been flickering at the back of his mind for the last few days. "Not the weed, you know I don't care about that. Everything else. I..." Darlington has to look away from her, swallowing hard. "I cannot find you on the floor like that again, Alex. Please."

From:

takecourage

She shakes her head.

"It was...really fucking stupid of me," she says, her fingers curling around his wrist, giving her a way to anchor herself. "The greys were everywhere and I missed you so much and...I thought we were done, Danny. And...I didn't want to feel it anymore." She tips her head, letting her hair curtain her face.

"It won't happen again. I promise."

From:

more_magic

It wrenches at him, the thought of her desperation, that she wished so badly to be free of the pain of their separation that she'd gone that far. And would have gone further, if he hadn't gotten to her when he did, if he hadn't been prepared thanks to that first, horrible instinct.

"Okay," he says. "Thank you." Her hair falls in her face, and he lifts his free hand, automatically tucking it back behind her ear. He lingers there for a beat longer than necessary, the tip of one finger along the curve of her ear before he pulls his hand away.

"We both want to fix this," he says, and just saying it relaxes another bit of tension in his chest. "And we will. I believe that. I just need to know where you want to go from here."

From:

takecourage

She leans her cheek into the touch while its there, her heart aching when it suddenly isn't anymore. She keeps her fingers loosely curled around his wrist. It's not holding his hand, but it's close.

"I want...to get back to where we were," she says. "But I don't...You have to tell me how we can do that." She glances up at him. "Do you still love me?"

From:

more_magic

"Yes," he says immediately, unequivocally, another sharp pain in his heart at the fact she ever thought otherwise. "I was upset, I was angry, it's been about five minutes so I think you'll understand when I say I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact you slept with other people, but Alex, I still love you. Of course I do."

He turns his hand in her grip, his fingers brushing the soft underside of her wrist. There's so many ways that this might go, but all of them, he thinks, lead them forward. Dante and Virgil, progressing through a hell of their own making. They'll get there. He has to believe that.

"We need to talk in a way that matters. Be honest with each other. Trust each other." Darlington ignores the faint whisper of his grandfather's voice then, the one at the back of his mind that has things to say about the Arlington way and goddamn California psychoanalytical claptrap making you soft, Danny. "And I'm including myself in that. As I said already, it doesn't have to be everything and it doesn't mean having no secrets, but it has to be the things that are important."

From:

takecourage

"I love you too."

She's never meant anything so much in her lie. He turns his hand in hers and she keeps up the light touch, not pulling away. She nods. "It's...a habit. I'm going to have to break it. But you're worth it. This is worth it."

From:

more_magic

The relief that washes through him hearing her say that is so enormous, so complete, that it's nearly overwhelming. He reaches up, brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek.

"So are you," he says, and means every word. "And I have my own habit to break, one that's similar enough." He manages a smile. "Someone ever tells me I have a choice between talking about my feelings or spending an hour in the throes of what happens when I first swallow the Bullet, you know what I'd be likely to pick. But I'll do it, I'll...be open. Because it's worth it for you."

Darlington has to take a long, thoughtful, careful moment before he continues. "I think I also need to move back to Dimera," he says. "Not permanently, just for now. I still want to see you, and Kirby, but I need that distance while we figure things out."

From:

takecourage

It makes sense, but it hurts more than she'd anticipated. Her breath catches and her eyes are suddenly stinging. She nods, though, managing a smile that feels tremulous even to get.

"I get it," she says.

From:

more_magic

"I'm sorry," he says, seeing the flash of pain that crosses her face, the way her eyes get suddenly, terribly bright. Not even her smile, wavering as it is, soothes much of the regret he feels at seeing her like this. "You can always...when you need to, if you need to, you can always come. I'll keep the wards up."

From:

takecourage

"And you'll come here, right?" She saus, hating how needy she sounds, in that moment. "Hang out with us and stuff? Just...go home to sleep..."

From:

more_magic

"Definitely," he says softly, soothingly. There's a part of him that wants to take it back, to promise he'll stay and that nothing has to change, but Darlington knows that can't be true. If they're going to move forward, and be stronger for it, this is what they need.

"I'll come over. We'll have dinner, take Kirby out to the dog park, see what Darrow has in the way of terrible summer reruns. All of it, and then I'll say good night." Her fingers are still around his wrist, holding fast; he moves and takes her hand. Their fingers still fit perfectly together. "And I'll be back again the day after."

From:

takecourage

"It'll be like we're dating," she says, a faint smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she shifts to lean in against him, hi hand still held in hers. "Figuring each other out again."

From:

more_magic

"It will," he says. Beneath the pain he still feels, the one he knows Alex shares for everything broken between them, there's something appealing about that. They can come together again, in a way that's theirs instead of with early days steeped in resentment, Lethe throwing together polar opposites just to see what might result.

Alex had talked before about finding a way to be Darrow Alex here; maybe it's past time for Darlington to do the same.

He looks over as she leans against him, smiling down at her. "In which case, it's good to meet you," he says. "I'm Danny Arlington." It might not be the time for jokes, not yet, not even mild ones--but it also might be the perfect time.